Don't Tell Me What To Do

The Tourist (2010)
Elise: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
Frank Tupelo: What? 
[she gives him a look]
Frank Tupelo: Would you like to have dinner?
Elise: Women don't like questions.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner.
Elise: Too demanding.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner?
Elise: Another question.
[Frank thinks for a moment]
Frank Tupelo: I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
[Elise smiles at him]


In The Tourist (2010), Angelina Jolie plays Elise, a very strong headed, beautiful and independent woman.  The funny thing is, as strong as she is, she is still a woman that likes her man to be even stronger. She likes him to be assertive, and not necessarily demanding, but a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell everyone what that is.  

Frank Tupelo: Do you mind me smoking? It's not a real cigarette.
Elise: What?
Frank Tupelo: It's electronic. It delivers the same amount of nicotine but the smoke is water vapor. Yeah, watch.
Elise: That's somewhat disappointing.
Frank Tupelo: Would you rather have me smoking for real?
Elise: I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased.

I believe that what Elise is asking for from Frank is what many women look for in a man.  Of course we have all dated the asshole that tells you what to do ALL the time, but we have all also had that guy that is "too nice."  No guy is really ever TOO nice literally, it is more that he does not have his own backbone or drive to do what HE wants!

For example: I once dated a guy who told me what to do morning, noon, and night.  He would be angry with me if I did not listen and he would find it ridiculous when I deviated from his wishes.  This turned into a lot of fighting and yelling, but I do have to say our relationship lasted for years.  In the end, it was too much and I knew that I would never truly be happy with him, but for some reason the fact that he was controlling, made me feel cared about and made me want to stay with him for as long as I did.

On the other hand: I once dated a guy who was nice as pie.  He would do whatever I wanted, let me do whatever I wanted, and I basically wore the pants.  And to be honest, I absolutely hated it.  I think deep down, I almost felt like he didn't care or something.  It was weird to have SO much freedom, it was like I wasn't even in a relationship.  No passion, absolutely no jealousy, it really seemed like it didn't exist.  This relationship didn't last long at all.

And I think it really comes down to a balance:  no woman really wants to be told what to do all the time.  Controlling someone's life isn't what I am saying is the right way to treat a lady.  My point is, if you want to do something, do it.  If you want to say something, for the most part, throw it out there!  And if you want us to have dinner with you, tell us that!  Have a back bone.  Own your feelings and thoughts.  You don't own us, necessarily, but you do own yourself, so act like it!  We will respect you more and respect the relationship more if we feel like you want to be in the driver's seat at least some of the time.