Don't Tell Me What To Do

The Tourist (2010)
Elise: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
Frank Tupelo: What? 
[she gives him a look]
Frank Tupelo: Would you like to have dinner?
Elise: Women don't like questions.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner.
Elise: Too demanding.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner?
Elise: Another question.
[Frank thinks for a moment]
Frank Tupelo: I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
[Elise smiles at him]


In The Tourist (2010), Angelina Jolie plays Elise, a very strong headed, beautiful and independent woman.  The funny thing is, as strong as she is, she is still a woman that likes her man to be even stronger. She likes him to be assertive, and not necessarily demanding, but a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell everyone what that is.  

Frank Tupelo: Do you mind me smoking? It's not a real cigarette.
Elise: What?
Frank Tupelo: It's electronic. It delivers the same amount of nicotine but the smoke is water vapor. Yeah, watch.
Elise: That's somewhat disappointing.
Frank Tupelo: Would you rather have me smoking for real?
Elise: I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased.

I believe that what Elise is asking for from Frank is what many women look for in a man.  Of course we have all dated the asshole that tells you what to do ALL the time, but we have all also had that guy that is "too nice."  No guy is really ever TOO nice literally, it is more that he does not have his own backbone or drive to do what HE wants!

For example: I once dated a guy who told me what to do morning, noon, and night.  He would be angry with me if I did not listen and he would find it ridiculous when I deviated from his wishes.  This turned into a lot of fighting and yelling, but I do have to say our relationship lasted for years.  In the end, it was too much and I knew that I would never truly be happy with him, but for some reason the fact that he was controlling, made me feel cared about and made me want to stay with him for as long as I did.

On the other hand: I once dated a guy who was nice as pie.  He would do whatever I wanted, let me do whatever I wanted, and I basically wore the pants.  And to be honest, I absolutely hated it.  I think deep down, I almost felt like he didn't care or something.  It was weird to have SO much freedom, it was like I wasn't even in a relationship.  No passion, absolutely no jealousy, it really seemed like it didn't exist.  This relationship didn't last long at all.

And I think it really comes down to a balance:  no woman really wants to be told what to do all the time.  Controlling someone's life isn't what I am saying is the right way to treat a lady.  My point is, if you want to do something, do it.  If you want to say something, for the most part, throw it out there!  And if you want us to have dinner with you, tell us that!  Have a back bone.  Own your feelings and thoughts.  You don't own us, necessarily, but you do own yourself, so act like it!  We will respect you more and respect the relationship more if we feel like you want to be in the driver's seat at least some of the time. 

What To Do When You Fall

THIS was made for me.... Absolutely Hands Down
PLEASE read this article.... 
It reflects my life.... Daily... 
Seriously, no Joke

http://gawker.com/5720511/what-to-do-when-you-fall-down

I ain't settling

I think one of the hardest things we battle with is finding what we all consider to be "the one."  Although some of us admit it more than others, of course, eventually, at SOME point in our lives, we all want to find that person that is our perfect match.


The problem is... when is it time?  

When does "Not Settling" turn into Waiting Forever? 


All of my friends say they will never settle.... they want to find their perfect knight in shining armor... well, where is he?  When is he going to turn up?  Does he even exist?

Then I see other friends of mine who appear that maybe the HAVE settled. Are they truly happy?  Just because I think they settled do they think that too?  As their friend, all I care about is that they are truly happy... but are they?

It's scary to think that we could live our lives waiting for this iconic man to come around that really just might not exist.  What if this idea of "the one" is complete bullocks and is just an excuse for those of us who can't open up and let someone in?

Then there's those of us who find a guy we fall head over heels for, but it appears that he may be "out of our league."  We don't want to settle for someone else, because he seems like the man that we want... but in reality, does he even want us back?  If we wait around to find out, is he ever going to step up to the plate? Or will we eventually be left in the dust when he steps up to someone else's plate instead?  There is a difference between taking things slow and going with the flow.... and waiting around for something that is likely never going to happen.

In the movie The Holiday (2006), Iris has an epiphany.  She says:
Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. 


It's horrid but it happens to us all the time.  The one sided affair.  Nature has cursed us with wanting what we can't have, and often times it means wanting someone we can't have, because at the end of the day, no matter how many times they make us smile, or tell us we are beautiful, or says we are fun to be around, he doesn't really feel the same way about us as we do about him.  He is honest to god, just not that into us.  So in this case, we may not be settling on a guy, but we are settling on our our feelings and honesty to ourselves and our dignity.  


There must be some sort of balance here.... some sort of signs that tell us when it's time to let our guard down and let in a guy that we feel is maybe our knight in shining armor.  When he comes knocking at the door, hopefully we all know it's okay to let him in and to stop chasing the ones that will probably never come knocking ever, no matter how much we want them to and no matter how many times we wait home hoping.  Hopefully we will all be able to see the signs when Mister Right is standing in front of us... 


But Nevertheless.... I still have faith that the statement holds strong.... Never Settle... 

Every Girl Wants for Xmas

It's a Wonderful Life ~ 1946

George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary. 
Mary: I'll take it. Then what? 
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much? 


What a great classic film.  Based in the 1940's, a lot has changed since then.  There is one thing, though, that certainly has not changed a bit, and that is What Every Female, Woman, Lady, Grandmother, Little Girl, wants for Christmas.  


Being in my mid 20's, I have friends that are at many different stages in their lives.  Some are married, some are mothers, or mothers to be.  Then there are some in college or working towards a career goal, some trying to define where their path will end up, and some who know exactly where their path is going to lead.  At all of these different walks of life, though, there is still one thing that every woman needs, and Christmas time is a time of year we yearn for it more than ever:


George told Mary that he would give her the moon... and what he really meant was that he would give her absolutely anything in the universe that would make her happy.  And that is precisely what every girl really wants.  


I know this concept sometimes seems absurd but it really is true.  It really isn't the money spent, the amount of hours the guy spends searching through catalogs, online, scrounging through our closets investigating what shoe size we wear, or begging our friends for ideas for Christmas presents.  It's the bigger picture rather.  It is the fact that you KNEW to do all of that.  The fact that you would have spent your life savings if you knew that ONE thing we really wanted would change our lives forever and make us truly happy.  It's the fact that you would have driven three hours to go to that random little store and purchase that $5 scarf you knew we REALLY wanted.  It's not even the scarf, its the thought. 


Now this may all seem absolutely ridiculous, and I guess in a way it is.  But it's the reassurance that you men we love so much would do these things for us.... that is the real Christmas present, way more than the actual present itself... 


And I think in a way, that brings back the true meaning of Christmas.... Just being there for the ones we love, and knowing the ones we love want to be there for us too, to make our day and truly sweep us off of our feet.  


Maybe things aren't so different from the Good Old Days after all... 

Don't be Ridiculous...

Rachel Wilkerson blogs about her rules.... one of my favorites is "Don't be Ridiculous"

Really, though, it makes perfect sense.  Just don't be absurd.  It's perfectly warranted in different situations to show emotion, whether it is being upset, happy, sad, angry, or scared.... but some people just take it over the top on an every day basis.

From time to time, we are all bound to encounter a person we dislike, there is not necessarily ALWAYS a reason to freak out.  Go about your business, live your life, showing how uncomfortable that person makes you feel just makes you look more weak.  Get Over It.  Move On.

Another example are my friends' reactions to the male species (myself included from time to time).  We meet a guy, we immediately screen them for marriage, and fall in love instantly.  Without a doubt this guy MUST be the one for me.  After all, he held the door for me on the way out of the bar AND made eye contact.  AND THERE IS MORE... HE SMILED!!! WOW WHAT A GENTLEMAN!  Girls, get over it.  Although there are many dudes out there who lack genuine gentleman qualities, there are a lot of them who still do posses general rules of class.  If he likes you, he will tell you.  If he doesn't, he is probably just being nice.

LISTEN PEOPLE - DONT BE RIDICULOUS!  ITS NOT THAT HARD.

All in all, the lesson here is to use your brain a bit.  Don't overreact, and try not to get ahead of yourself, or the rest of the world for that matter.