Drugs of Choice

I recently attended a conference for my professional career.  One of the key note speakers was Mary Faktor, a professional speaker and certified Self-Esteem/Life Balance Facilitator.  She worked with people such as Jack Canfield (author of the Chicken soup for the soul series) among many others.  I have to admit, although her presentation did not relate much to my professional career, it drove home so many principles and important life lessons that I felt I need to share a few of them with my friends and listeners.  (Mary, if you are listening (or, well, reading), I hope I tell your story in the way that you would like, you are an inspiration to all!)

Today is the first.... She calls is Drugs of Choice.

Everyone has a drug of choice that they turn to when a stressful situation arises.  It may be a way to get back at someone, a way to escape a situation, a way to feel better about yourself, or just a way to be numb.  A drug is not necessarily a drug, although that is also very possible.  It can be illegal drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, gambling.  It can also be exercising, shopping, working, internet, video games, sleeping, sex, staying constantly busy.  Really, it can be anything that takes someone away from the matter or problem at hand which they do not want to deal with.

We all have a drug (or multiple) of choice.  So the question is, what is that doing for us?  How is it helping us cope?  Essentially it isn't helping us cope at all.  It is helping us avoid the situation or conflict, whatever it may be.  The drug of choice keeps us busy or numb and therefore we are either unavailable schedule-wise or unavailable emotionally to deal with whatever the matter is.  If we are too busy or too unavailable, nothing will ever move forward.

I invite everyone to take a moment and understand what your drug of choice (or drugs) may be, think about how it affects the challenges in your life, and think about how there may be windows of opportunity to move past that drug or obstacle to conquer those challenges.  I am not asking anyone to eliminate these elements from your life. Some are necessary for sanity or for functionality.  Just understand where they in excess may bring you limitations... Don't get your drugs of choice stand in your way of moving forward.

Mary has a lot of important lessons and there are more to come.... stay tuned!

The Bad Boy to Prince Charming Project

This morning i received a text from my very close guy friend... 

That girl I told you I was seeing who disappeared on me really pissed me off last night.  We ended things when she told me that she felt no spark with me, even though I was "amazing with how I treated her".... Well that's great and all but then she posts this stupid picture (see below) on Facebook last night!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!!!!!

My poor friend, I felt really bad for him.  But i was dying laughing, because this truly is typical girl behavior, and that's exactly what I said to him.  I said, Yup, typical girl, doesn't surprise me one bit.  He seemed confused, so I tried to break it down for him as simply as possible for him.  Although it could be argued to be a bit more complicated than this, here's the short version:

MOST girls dream of:

Finding a bad boy

Chasing him for a little bit

Changing/fixing/saving him

Then living happily ever after together as his Princess 

If the guy is too nice from day 1:

There is sadly just no "Spark"

He isn't the one

She wants it to work but it just doesn't feel "right"

She isn't ready for a serious relationship

She isn't over her ex

She needs time to be single

She needs to work on herself

The Sad, Sad Reality for us ladies:

No Bad Boy can be "Fixed"

A guy doesnt have to be mysterious (aka sketchy) to be hot

Guys aren't puppies, they don't grow up & change, they are already adults

If a guy treats you one way from day 1, it will probably be that same way for a long time

We aren't in a rodeo, stop trying to lasso a man, you'll be chasing him forever

If you aren't a princess now, what is he going to wake up one day and decide NOW today is the day that you are a princess? Absolutely not. 

You don't REALLY want to marry a bad boy, do you?

 

Ladies - I wish I could tell you all (including me) to WAKE THE HECK UP!!!!! What are we doing? Why can't we feel a spark with the right guys?  Why do we feel the need to fix all the wrong ones?  So many of my wonderful quality smart attractive nice male friends can't find a girl to date, meanwhile all of my beautiful smart successful female friends are off chasing these LOSERS!  

It's really heart breaking but I find that even I have done this many many times, so it seems as though that's our nature today... I have dated guys who wine and dine me till I am blue in the face, who do anything I ask even without me having to ask, buy me flowers for absolutely no reason however they are never "the one."  Then I have dated the guys who steal my money, are completely sketchy, can't get their own life on track, and lie, cheat, or steal, but for some reason, they are more "passionate" or "attractive" for some reason.... seriously I have to laugh.... because what are we doing!?!?!?  I can't foresee myself 80 years old sitting on a couch happy with the bad boy.... but we feel like we are settling with the good guy... it's sadly a lose lose situation gals... we need to get a grip! 

Good Facebook Read...

I love Facebook, I can't pretend that I don't.  But it is frustrating to see horrible writing and horrible spelling day in and day out.  Did you people go to high school   I think so... why don't you know the difference between your their/there/they'res and your no/knows or your two/too/tos....??? Is it that hard?  Did you sleep through third grade??? Possibly.  The other thing that irks me is the people who just post to post... thanks for wasting 10 seconds of my life that I can't get back by reeling me in to read your post that was a complete waste of "pen and paper" (in a digital sense).  This morning I came across a post from my cousin that was so entertaining I just had to share it, because these days they seem to be far and few between.  (not that I have posted anything all that worthwhile myself lately on Facebook... but Nicole's gets a round of applause from me for sure.)  Enjoy! 

A real quality Facebook Post.... One of the most compelling posts I have read in MONTHS.  From my ever so lovely cousin Nicole :)

For the past 4 weeks i have been sitting on my deck at night and watching one of natures "miracles", trying to beat my lifelong arachnophobia. This is an orb-weaver that I christened "Horatio". Every evening at 9 pm he crawled out and built his web, which, admittedly, was pretty awesome to watch. Then I would witness his lightning fast kills throughout the night until exactly at 4:30 am he would rip the entire web down and creep back into his hidey-hole to sleep the day away like a blood-sucking vampire. He was just a little thing at first, but then gradually he grew and grew into the nightmare-ish FREAK OF NATURE you see in these pictures. EEWWWW! As this happened I started to sit farther and farther away, and to get more and more nervous. His downfall came when one night last week I went to go outside and found he had built a HUMAN SIZED web from the deck floor all the way to the top eaves of the house only 3 FEET away from the door! I have NO DOUBT that after watching ME for all that time he intended to trap me, kill me, and eat me! Thus started a fight to the death which included me spraying him repeatedly with Windex while screaming hysterically, cutting his web down with a pair of shears with a 4 foot reach while screaming hysterically, then attempting to beat him to death with a 2 inch circumference iron bar while he whipped up and down on a single strand of silk (while screaming hysterically). I must have looked like I was pulling major strikes in a wiffle-ball game! Needless to say one of my wild swings finally connected and PLOP, down he went. When he reared his nasty legs up at me in a final aggressive confrontation, my terror exploded and with one mighty blow of my weapon SMUSH, Horatio was no more. RIP, thanks for the entertainment you NASTY DISGUSTING MONSTER.......Now I am moving to another town to escape the wrath of his brethren....

Cinderella

So, I watched Cinderella tonight for the first time since elementary school.  Thank you Time Warner Cable.  The first thing I noticed was the fact that I have never watched the video with commercials before.  The second thing I noticed was that I haven't watched the movie since DVD's existed.

Cinderella was one of the first movies I ever owned.  Tonight I felt as though I was watching a movie through a telescope.  Watching the movie on my TV at home about 20 years after I saw it for the first time was the most bizarre thing I've done.  I felt like I wasn't actually watching the movie, it was as if i was watching myself watch the movie years ago.  It was so strange.  I felt things that i was "supposed to feel:" but not because i actually did, it was because I consciously felt as if i was supposed to.... REALLY WEIRD.... I remember being so engaged in the movie, when she was dancing with prince charming i felt as though I was the one dancing with prince charming.  Last night all I thought about when I was watching them dance was how crazy it is that technology changes so quickly.  The animation was so archaic and his face looked so brown, so non-realistic.  It was like watching a flip book or a moving drawing.  Hilarious...

Secrets Don't Make Friends

The trouble with secrets is that they are meant to be told... 

How do you find out about a secret?  Someone tells you.  Then what are you supposed to do with that burning desire to share the priceless news with someone else?  Tuck it away in your pocket like a lucky penny?  Sure, maybe that is what the teller intended you to do, but that's not realistic.  Often times the new holder of the information believes it seems harmless to share their newly found present with a close relative or friend... then down the line that comes back to bite them. 

So, when is it okay to divulge the information to "just one close friend" and when is it necessary to 100% pretend you never heard it?  That is a tough one.  I am sure the person who told you expects you to tell absolutely no one, but then again, they told you, so they did exactly what they are hoping you won't. They should know as soon as they open their mouth to you that it is only human nature for you to tell someone also, even if its just one more person, who will tell one more person who will tell one more person, that's just how it goes. 

It's like the game of telephone when you are a kid, seriously.  One kid tells another kid tells another kid, and all of a sudden the peanut butter sandwich is actually a Peter Pan Hammock!  It's crazy! Who would have thought the classroom was getting a Peter Pan Hammock!!!! How cool is that?  

It's tough, I try to be as good as I can when someone tells me something, but if it's something that truly should not be shared, it's probably best to just keep it to yourself, because no one, and I believe that no one can truly keep a burning secret to them self without telling anyone... 

Psychologists report that keeping secrets can lead to isolation and feeling of loneliness.  So maybe we all divulge secrets in order to maintain a bond with others.  When telling a secret and going through the motions, it is a way of saying "I just only you with this information" which causes a sense of closeness with that individual.  

In other situations, psychologies state that secrets are kept as a way of creating altruistic protection of others.  In other words, the friend sacrifices their own feelings of loneliness and isolation and keeps the secret, putting their friend before themselves.  This friend will hold that secret deep in their pocket as true protection of their friend or family member who told them. 

My opinion: maybe we should all have pets.... I tell my dog and my horse everything (yes, true story).  That way, at least they won't be able to tell another person your secrets. 

Feeling Loved

Every girl likes to feel loved.  That goes without saying.  Whether it's by friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, children, pets... we love to feel loved.  We NEED to feel loved.  Of course, men also desire the feeling of love, but for now, let's talk about the women...

Even though us women share that commonality, though, every woman is different in respect to how they want their significant other to show them love.

For example... some women drool over receiving flowers at work, while others absolutely hate it (very much like myself).

Some women like to be wine'd and dine'd, while others definitely prefer a home cooked meal.

Some (and i have to argue here MOST) women are more than smitten if their man chooses to sweep them away to an exotic island or country for a few days.  Other times, we prefer to snuggle up for a weekend in together, cell phones off and just spending quality time alone.

I have some friends (myself included) that sometimes worry or complain that their man forgets to do the little things, like taking us to dinner, or buying us flowers.  Does that mean they don't love us?  No, not so much. It simply means they are comfortable, doesn't mean they love you less.  Now, with that said, a gentle reminder can sometimes go a long way.  If your man knows you are feeling neglected, a kind hint can sometimes remind them that we need to feel that affection, but rest assured, if you take a closer look, sometimes they are already showing you in other ways.

For example, a message to a friend today from her man:  "I was thinking about things today, and I have to tell you, I really love when you do our dog's voice.  Daddy I want dinner, please please please pleeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!"

She's thinking to herself: Really?  That's what you had to tell me?  Yes I am sure I sound ridiculous as I often walk around impersonating what the puppy would be saying if he could talk.  I can only imagine it's absurd. But you really just took the time to tell me how much you love it?

That text totally made her day.  Just him caring enough to sit and reflect and take the moment to share that thought with her, unannounced, that's just as good as stupid flowers on our desks ladies.  It does the same thing, it warms your heart and makes you feel loved.

I am not NOT in any way saying that a man shouldn't have to put in effort and can smooth talk his way through avoiding the other stuff.  TRUST ME when I say I like to go to dinner too - really I just love an excuse for good food and vino, but I also like romantic nights out, they are important!  All I am really saying is that often times, appreciating the small things can go a long way to realizing you truly are happy where you are, and so is he.