Cool as a Cucumber (or Not)

What is the way to go?  

Every book tells people something different: Don't show your crazy jealous side or the boy will go running.....  If you show that you don't care at all that won't work either.... Don't let a guy disrespect you, make sure you call them out on it.... Don't let a guy know he hurt your feelings or you will look weak.

Okay People.... WHAT!??!?!?!?!? 

It seems to me that maybe there is a healthy medium between being ABSOLUTELY BONKERS and getting jealous about everything... and the opposite which would be not showing any sort of emotion at all, essentially. 

I feel as though everyone always says "don't show you are jealous, don't act like a crazy person," anyone that has read the book Why Men Love Bitches, Sherry Argov ALSO says:

"When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally frequently, over time he will come to see you as less of a mental challenge. If he can’t predict how you’ll always react, you remain a challenge."

I'd imagine if you act completely insane all the time, eventually your man is going to get sick of your screaming fits of RAGE.  Constantly yelling, constantly jealous is not a way to keep a healthy relationship.  That will only drive him away. 

FAIL!!!!

But then look at the other side of the spectrum.  What about a girl who doesn't care about anything, is always fine with anything that happens no matter what, and never challenges the guy at all?  Then, it's as if there is no emotional connection at all.

For Example, in the movie "He's just not that into you," Gigi goes to a party at her crush's house  (Justin Long) and ends up running around, making zip, helping HOST the party like she is her crush's little sister or something.  At the end of the party it is her, her crush, and ANOTHER GIRL sitting on the couch playing video games.  The crush is completely not into her, he sees her as this friend, no emotional connection at all.  This hurts her feelings and she doesnt understand WHY he doesn't get it.  Well: How would he get it if he has no idea she is angry?  She never speaks her mind and he does not know how she feels.

She sat around ALL night at this party, waiting to be the LAST one left, not letting him know that he annoyed her that he was flirting with other girls all night, and then at the end of the night when she finally said something, it completely caught him off guard and backfired in her face

Him: Hey, thanks for staying 


and helping me clean up.  

I really gotta go to bed.






Her: Is that an invitation?


Him: What?

FAIL!!!!!

So.... being crazy jealous is no good...... being the "cool friend" does not work.....  I guess something in the middle would be best, and picking your battles when necessary.

Samantha in Sex & The City seems to do it well.  Not getting jealous openly however putting her men in their place when necessary.  Maybe we all need to take lessons from Samantha.  

Thoughts!?